i was a basket filled with holes

and she was the sand i tried to hold and ran out behind me as i swung at some invisible hand~paper hanger-mewithoutyou

i went and got fitted for a tux for wildings wedding today. he and i drove to fairview heights, im not sure why we went all the way there. sarah said we could have just got it done in greenville at victorias. oh well, it was a good time. i was expecting to be taken to some back room by a tailor and strip down to my boxers and smoke a cigar like in the movies. but i didnt. the lady just wrapped a measuring tape around me at the counter of this place while i stood fully dressed and in full view of the rest of the mall. i was kinda disappointed, i guess i expected too much from a simple experience. wilding, ian and i were walking back from dq discussing foreign policy when ian stopped us and asked when we became the people we were. i mean we would never have talked about foreign policy or at least had an intelligent conversation about it freshman year, maybe even last year or semester. he was looking for a specific moment in time when something clicked, but i told him that there was never that single moment, and we will continue to evolve in our knowledge. chase just came back with a water balloon launcher he found on the ground. talk about being excited. its like when i was 7 gazing upon the HeMan sword with action noises that went off when you swung it. i didnt get that for christmas that year, causing me to question and conclude that santa is not real. sad thing for a 7 year old to ponder, but it needed to be done since he didnt get me the one toy i ever really wanted. i wish i had marvin the paranoid android as my friend. he would cheer me up.
sean