so why this safe distance, this curious look

why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book. why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar...you played the flute but no one was dancing. you sang a sad song and none of us cried~torches together-mewithoutyou

i have to confront this. doug whitlock was an old friend from when i lived in springfield. the day after his brother geoff graduated he died in a car wreck. a horrible thing. we sent a sympathy card, and then i tried to push it out of my mind because it was painful to think about. its so sad. yesterday at my first service here at rushville his death was brought up in both the morning and evening services. i almost cried in the morning service. its not that i was ever incredibly close to doug, even at springfield i didnt spend much time with him, though joel did. at the time i thought he was a know it all. but he was a good guy. a model person, someone you wish you were. he was brilliant and kind. for some reason this is more sad than timmy dawkins death. i was better friends with timmy, i spent more time with him, but i knew he was going to die young. he suffered from every ailment that a body could suffer from, so i guess i had braced myself for it. but doug, he was strong and vibrant. he was going to change the world. everyone had expectations for him. rose, one of my bosses said last night in her sermon, while we mourn over the brevity of their lives, we should also rejoice in the blessed lives they lived in christ. and while that is cheerful, it brings little solace to me. i want a reason for his death. i dont want it to seem as if it was in vain. the old have lived their lives, and it is time for them to go. the young are only supposed to die for a cause. their sacrifice is important to the furtherance of something. and the only reason i can find for dougs death is that he died because some idiot 90 year old who shouldnt have been driving in the first place, pulled out in front of him either because he was too blind to see him or just didnt look. and the dmv prolly only gave the old man his liscense because they felt sorry for him. so i guess that shit just happens sometimes, and thats a part of life that we must come to expect, if not embrace. so what am i to do.
sean